Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
