If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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