I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
