toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
