I wanna passion pit in your ass
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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