...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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