He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize