I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
