I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
