We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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