This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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