Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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