I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
