I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
