And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
