last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
