The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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