I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
