You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
