Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
