My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
