I want to have your abortion
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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