We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
