Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
