I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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