My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize