You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
