I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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