i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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