haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
