Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
