It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
