i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize