It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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