I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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