I want to make a zoo with you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
