I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
