dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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