i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
