sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
