i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
