You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize