I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize