p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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