The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
