..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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