he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
