haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
