New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
