i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
