ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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