I am puke
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize