i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
