i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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