WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
