is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
