I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
