Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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