How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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