dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
