i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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