Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
