Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
