$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize