6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
