last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
